Customer Service, Circa 2008

publication date: Feb 4, 2008

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author/source: Richard Arena

Is it my imagination or has customer service gone to Bangalore in a hand-basket? I don’t know which is worse, talking with an automated phone attendant or live operators who speak four languages – none of which happen to be a variation of English readily understood by the average American.

In the pursuit of market share and profit at any cost, giant multi-national companies have taken the art of bait-and-switch and rate-creep to unprecedented levels. Here’s a true experience that happened to me recently, which illustrates the point.

It all started when my wife noticed that the bill from our mega-conglomerate communications provider jumped up over 38 percent from the previous months for no apparent reason.

Calling the customer service number printed on the face of the statement I received a recorded message requiring that I select a language. I punched my selection while muttering about the government’s failure to secure the border. Next the auto-attendant rattled off a list of options – “If you’re calling about blahbity blah, press 1, if you’re calling about bippity boop, press 2” and so on. One would think there would be an option, “If you’re calling with a question about your bill . . . ”, but no. Even though the bill is bundled, customer service is compartmentalized, so you can select to talk with someone about your phone bill or your cable service or your high-speed Internet, but not one person about all three. How convenient.

I chose the phone service option. The next three and a half minutes were spent listening to Music to Eat Oatmeal By. Finally, a heavily accented voice said, “Hello, this is Bfojmey, may I have the ten digits of your phone number please?” Bfojmey sounded like he took elocution lessons from Bill Cosby’s character, Mushmouth. He also suffers from Alzheimer’s. After I gave him our phone number he said, “Okay, may I have your phone number please?” I figure he’s multi-tasking – maybe watching Sports Center on his cell phone or playing Monkey Pong on his computer – who knows. I said, “Huh? I just gave you my number.” Unperturbed Bfojmey says, “I see, could I have your phone number please starting with the area code first?”

“Only if you promise to listen.”

“Okay.” Then he wanted to confirm my address, the last four digits of my social security number and my mother’s parakeet’s maiden name. Only then did he ask why I was calling. I explained that our monthly consolidated communications services bill just went up 38 percent and my wife and I were curious to know why. “I see.”

Then nothing – five, ten, fifteen seconds. “Are you still there?”

“Yes.”

“Did you hear what I said?”

“Um hmm”

“Well?”

“Well what?”

“Why is our bill 38 percent higher?”

“You’ll have to talk with someone in customer service about that.”

“Isn’t this customer service?”

“Do you have a copy of your statement?”

“What? Oh, yes I do. It’s right here.”

“Do you see where it says promotion discount under the phone bill section?”

“Uhh, yes”

“They made a mistake, you didn’t get the promotion discount – I’ll make a note. Now, do you see where it says promotion discount under cable service?”

“Uh huh”

“Well, they made the same mistake there and in the Internet service section as well. I’m making notes. Hold on.” Clickey, clickey, click, click, click . . .

Two minutes later, “Okay, I’ve made notes in your file. I’ll transfer you to customer service now.”

“Wait a minute. What did we just do? Is my billing correct now? Why do I have to talk with customer service to get it corrected? Are you going to explain this to customer service or do I have to repeat . . . Hello, hello, are you still . . .”

Ring, ring. “Hello, my name is Rjombuedo. May I have the ten digits of your phone number please?”

“Hi, I’m Richard Arena, a customer. I was just talking with someone – I didn’t understand his name any better than I understood yours, but he answered the phone when I called the customer service number on the bill you sent us and he said that the billing department made a mistake -- that we didn’t receive a promotion discount and he made notes.”

“I see. What is your name?”

“Richard Arena. Didn’t I just tell you that?” “. . . and your phone number?”

After that he wanted my address, the last four digits of my social security number. Then, “Just a moment while I pull up your account. Okay, I see . . .”

“What, what do you see – do you see notes made by the person who switched me to you?” “I see that your promotion rate expired last month.”

“What promotion rate? Where does it say the bundled rate is a time-limited promotion?”

“Your bill is higher because you are no longer eligible for the promotion rate.”

“Suppose I quit your services and sign up again say next week, will I get the promotion rate?”

“Let me see what I can do. Hmm. Hmmm. Okay, yeah.”

“Yeah, what?”

“Well, yes, we can give you a promotion rate . . . for one year . . . but only on the phone . . . the other services, no.”

“So what happens if I drop the other services?”

“You won’t get the bundle rate. Your phone service will cost more. You were getting both the bundle rate and a promotion rate. Now you get only the bundle rate.”

“How much more is the unbundled phone rate each month?”

“About five dollars”

“Okay, we’re dropping the cable TV and the high-speed Internet.”

“Let me see what I can do . . . hmm.”

“Okay, I’ve got you on the promotion rate for cable TV and high-speed Internet”

“Great!”

“. . . but only for three months.”

“Okay, that gives me time to find alternatives.”

“Will there be anything else?” “Not for the moment.”